Bittersweet

There's something to be said about how women, especially when you love them, can change everything in a single encounter, eh? That said, I've finally made it. A little sooner than I would have liked. Gods, I didn't even get to give her my final, wholly original, and best song yet! But there we are. I'll love her always, and I was thinking about taking it in steps. Waiting it out. But no more waiting.

She'll either love me or she never will. It's kind of a relief in a way, actually, for her to say she never will. And, thankfully, I don't feel regret. It's a situation that's been resolved. It could have been handled a little bit better, I think. Maybe I was a little over-hasty. Not that I tried to force the matter, mind. I only mentioned that among the things I set out to do, as well, was to make her love me. That is, to become a person she would be able to love. I could have waited years as I endeavored towards that.

She gave me 30 seconds.

So, now that is behind me. I'll never stop loving her, but that doesn't mean I can't forge forward, right? That was a matter that needed a resolution before anything could truly move forward, in any case. I was being irresponsible. I was avoiding going "out there" for jobs, because it would take me away from her. I don't have that, anymore. Now I can just love her quietly. Keep her in my heart, as my body explores the world.

I don't even think my title is appropriate. I don't find it particularly bitter or sweet. I'm not hurt, and not elated, either. I'm at peace. I should probably change that title. Or not, because then this exposition would make no sense whatsoever. So just make up your own, appropriate title for this entry.

I'm proud of myself. I've taken the first step towards the new me. I'll carry her in my heart and I will not regret her choice. I'll miss her, but I won't let that stop me. So let us blaze the trail into the future. The first step is behind me, and it's time to take the plunge.

Don't wish me luck, tell me to take care once I reach the top!




Ever Yours,

Scott M.


P.S.
I want to commit to this blog as well. I'm finding it particularly enjoyable. Or is it just my vivification? That's a word, right? It is now.